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Be strong and steadfast!

This morning my husband and i were chatting,i told him that i am trusting God for a million. He believes me as we know that our God is a rich God.But here's the part where you think i am going crazy! Well i'm not,our God is a rich God, and He wants to bless us with whatever we desire. Don't ask Him for a million,then in your heart think(20 000),ask Him for what you need and trust that He will give it to you. And don't grow impatient! Give Him a chance to work His magic.Sometimes just to test our faith, he comes through for us after the deadline but just keep the faith and thank him for everyday passed that you didnt have whatever you asked for.
My husband and I lived for a year and a half in our home and we didn't pay our bond.
It's not that we didn't want to pay,we didn't have the money.The bank sent letter after letter telling us that they were going to sell our home on auction,my husband didn't work,i was at home, it was tough!But we just kept confessing,this was OUR home! The devil was not going to steal it away from us. After the day the bank was supposed to take our home, putting us on the street,my husband found a job.There were times when i wanted to give up,but God gave me this calmness,in normal circumstances i would've panicked,but He gave me this supernatural calmness.
Believe in God,He believes in you!
What are you trusting God for today?

Last night I went to church and had a wonderful time in the presence of God.
People don't seem to realise how much we need God in our lives.I mean,where would we be
if not for God? We need God to keep us safe,we can't keep ourselves safe can we?
How can we not care about Him as much as He cares about us?He loves us,I ask you to take up the
challege and love Him back,you will see the places that He will take you. W as sinners don't realise
that when we don't love even ourselves God loves us more than enough for everyone. He is more than enough
for me.Take up your cross,and follow Jesus,and don't be ashamed to say that you know and love him,count your
blessings one by one,don't ever forget to tell him how gratefull you are for his blessings.
With God in your life,you can count your chickens before they hatch!

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Why I have always been attracted to older men.

My family have been asking me this question for years now.
Mabey its the father figure element or mabey its the fact that younger men are way too immature for me. Believe me,I have tried dating younger men but it never went past mabey the third date,they're just so childish.
I mean,who wants a man who takes longer than you to get ready or taking you out to him is clubbing,getting you as drunk as possible and coaxing you off to bed. Then there is the jealousy issue, now don't even try to lie by saying you don't feel threatened. Any woman who dates a younger or her age guy will sometime or the other get jealous. He tries to look better than you and there's nothing so self-full filling than having his ego stroked by other women,you constantly have to look over your shoulders for the cat claws out to get you.
That's just my opinion ladies,please don't get upset. I just prefer being an old man's darling than a young man's slave. Older men has been there,done that. They have had their fair share of heartache,partying and so on. If he still wants to party then he is definitely going through a mid-life crisis,I suggest then you steer clear. Mostly they just want to settle down and enjoy life. Ladies be independent(just enough to show him you're not a gold digger)but not too independent(you'll scare him off)he likes to know that he is useful by caring for you. Why older men likes younger women baffles me, what I do understand is when she is mature for her age(fighting over who has the bigger side of the bed,or who's hogging the duve' doesn't count). But the point I suppose of any relationship is still the petty things that we fight about. My husband likes to watch comedys by smiling and not laughing,whereas I love to laugh hysterically! Or he complains that I spend more time with my cellphone than with him,but when my cellphone broke he bought me another one. His favorite movies are KUNG-FU,mine are more new school. I cannot trust him to rent dvd's(he hires only kung-fu's and seems genuinely disappointed if I refuse to watch with him). Then I feel sorry for him and sit through hours of torture. His favorite movie stars are: Rocky,Steven Segal, and his favorite music is: Andre' Botchelli and any old school jazz. But no matter what I hate about him and how he feels about my taste in music(he says older men appreciate the finer things in life)we share a few things in common,such as the fact that we both LOVE our kids and would do anything for them,and we love and adore each other. No matter who we marry or who we date the main reason for being with someone is to complete us or be an extension of us. And sometimes its a love-hate relationship but there are times when we hate ourselves,but we learn to live with our faults. As long as our partner doesn't physically or emotionally abuse us we should be just fine.
*ps-this is only my opinion so don't take what I say seriously and go and enjoy life,LOVE and everything life has to offer.*
Till next time
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This country is messed up.

This is one messed up country, I'm sitting at the day hospital at 9:30pm at night with my sick and feverish 3 year old. I'm definitely thinking bout how I'm missing my girls Blair and Sabrina(gossip girls-sabc 3, 9:00pm every nite) I guess no gossip for me 2nite. Its amazing that in todays health system a Doctor can walk past a child whimpering in pain and expect hi/her to wait their turn. What has satan created? Well that's life I suppose, my wild child has managed to fall the hell out of himself from the couch. Tarzan can't understand the words "don't jump on the couch!". As I approached him to take him off he wanted to take his last head-dive into the couch,missing by centimeters the back rest and diving right over,falling on is head. All I saw was legs flailing as he tried to balance his fall. I didn't respond the way a mother should,I laughed,told him it was his own fault and then comforted him. Now don't you blame me!,we all have moments where our kids refuse to listen to us and when they get hurt we feel on the inside that should teach them a lesson,or that they deserve it. As long as he doesn't get hurt. Well,I picked him up and dusted him off. That's what life is: when something happens,you pick yourself up and dust yourself off. That's what we teach our kids from birth(the trying to sit stage,the trying to crawl stage,the walking stage)that's life. Going to school,college,university(mabey)finding a job,being promoted etc. I think that people who give up on life and its problems(suicide) were most probably babies who got easily frustrated when the had to aim for the next milestone,trying to walk,falling,reaching for a certain toy,not being able to reach it. These babies scream in frustration at their mother to give it or they just give up. You as the parent shape their identity,will you give them their way or make them work for it. Hello? That's why God created chores,to teach youngsters responsibility. I mean, I hated chores,but what could I do? Today I'm a mum of two, college girl and what kind of person would I be if not for chores? I can't learn that on the job,I must know how,nor can I get lazy,who's gonna do it? Motherhood is the only job I think where you learn on the job.
Still in the day-hospital,haven't been seen yet,see you at the second coming as that's when I'm breaking out of this prison. I can't help but think that mabey if I just took the time and had the patience to take my son off the couch I wouldn't be sitting here, let's hope its the flu,so I can get some pills and get outta here!this is your GIRL signing off,till we chat again.
Gudgirl0
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The day I met my biological dad

That is a day I would not forget in a hurry. We had gone to Caledon previous times and had not been successful in contacting him as we didn't know where he lived or if he was married. My mom couldn't remember where the farm he used to live on was. I had been nagging at her since I turned 18 because I felt now was the time to find him. sometimes I look at kids without dads and feel heartbroken at them not knowing what life would be like with a dad's touch,words of comfort,discipline. I wish I had a dad who scolded me when I came home late or to cover up for me when I didn't mean to do anything wrong,or hold me on his lap if things didn't go according to plan. Its a heavenly blessing to have a dad in you life and dad should be treasured and loved as well as mom. I remember being determined not to one day have kids with a love-and-leaver. But with a gentle,caring,compassionate and loving husband(not boyfriend). God has blessed me with all that and more! Okay,let me not dwell off my original story(meeting my dad).
We went to mom's uncle's house,who took us to my dad's brother's house(who was ecstatic to see us after all the years)he in turn took us to meet my dad.(My twin sister didn't want to go cause she was upset that he didn't look for us) I remember my mom had us write letters every year(when we passed a grade,lost a tooth,christmas,birthdays etc)to our dad and she would say she will post it,but she kept it as she didn't know where he lived. We only found out years later. My dad was in his house when we got there and I thought that he must be married by now,how would his wife feel about us? All these thoughts racing through my head. When he came out he looked so shocked to see me that at first he didn't know why all these people were standing outside his door. He finally saw my mom and it registered who I was,he later told us that he knew there were two of us and he thought I looked familiar. He started crying and my mom said "meet your daughter". Let's just say it was an emotional day. I sat on his knee and looked into his eyes forgetting all I wanted to ask and just thinking how this man looked like me. I wanted that moment to last forever(imagine a 19 year old sitting on dad's lap!) He wasn't married after all and didn't have any other kids. He says not a day went by without him thinking about us. He had even kept all our dolls and toys. Looking at him that day I didn't see a love-and-leaver, I saw a broken soul, lost because his only children were lost. We went to visit once after that day and the end of May 2010 we're going again. I'm so exited! My baby looks just like him(blond hair,green eyes). He is going to meet our younger kids for the first time. My sister met him the second time and completely forgot any anger(we camped on his farm in 2007 for easter) we couldn't stop talking,hugging,just being together.
So all mums,the day you leave a man,don't keep the kids from their dad's,you're doing more harm than good,they will resent you,when I think of all the times I resented my mom for taking us away from our dad,and keeping us away from him,I do not wish it on anyone. Children must see their fathers,don't let your differences hurt the kids. Not all stories have a happy ending. Love: Me(mwah!)
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My life continued.....

I met my dad for the first time when I was 19 years old. I remember as soon as I started realizing other kids had mom's and dad's,I wondered where mine was and if I had one? In my family such things are not mentioned except by adults. My gran was mother and father,my mom was working and when she wasn't working,they(aunts etc)were partying. She wasn't a bad mother she was just a young mother. I can remember my gran taking us to the beach and my mom and friends were still sleeping from a hangover and my sister and I would ask her for money,now they had a habit that when they came in from a night out,they would empty their pockets of all change and would throw it in a tray. If we were good,then mom would give us pocket money from the tray. This particularly hot day as we were heading for the beach we asked mom if we could have the change. Still. Sleeping she replied " ah-huh". Man,I'm telling you,did we collect ALL that change. We had a wonderful day at the beach with just a little over R150,we ate till our tummies felt like bursting. In those days that was a lot of money and we had food,ice-cream,cream doughnuts etc. My gran didn't think to question us as she knew that we had asked our mom. When we went home, my mom and uncle were looking for coke bottles to give to the shop in exchange for a cold cool drink to nurse their hangover. Mom couldn't remember what had happened to their change....
My gran burst out laughing!, as she had heard my mom say "uh-huh".
On the farm we lived we had good times, we used to swim in the dam with the farm kids and play on the farm between rows of spinach.
One day one of the farm girls wanted to break off my barbie doll's head and she pushed me, refusing to be bullied I bit her on the shoulder and ran home. When I got home I told my mom what had happened and her boyfriend went to straighten them out.
I remember my sister and I throwing the farm kids with stones and not missing one,because they had called us "arm boere". We were sensitive over our skin color as we were the only whites. If you read my previous blogs you would know that my mom is colored and my dad is white. On school I remember running to church break times to go and eat soup,they made the best soup ever! This girl has since turned into Gudgirl,God has erased the bad girl in me. Thank you for reading this,stay tuned for more and feel free to leave a comment.
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My friend,Porce.!we go to college together.

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I was laughing so hard here! Hubby couldn't pick me up,so he had to sit on his knees.

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Best man and matron of honor,God's children. They bless my life with them being in it,if I could pick my family,I'd definitely pick them(Melanie and Richard)

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Preparing the confetti,they were having a tiff because my cousin,the short one looking down had lost a bag of confetti,then the photographer said"smile",and all was forgotten. No you're not seeing double. The "dyed" redhead is my twin sister.

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Me and my mum,who I love to bits!

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All my bridesmaids(in pink) and my matron of honor on my wedding day,don't they look absolutely gorgeous?

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Pray with me

Dear readers,
This year I am praying for a house for my gran. She has never had her own home as she cannot afford it,she is a domestic worker. I will keep you updated on when she will move into her own home. I have received it already,I am just waiting for it.
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This is me,Verity Engel. I prayed to God for a bursary last year,and this year I am studying on a R20 000 bursary! Now how can we deny that there's a living God,would you rather be a fruit basket or a fruit tree?(Be the life giving tree).

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My first-born,my big boy.It was prophesied by two people, people unknown to each other that he has the spirit of Daniel. He was blessed in my tummy when I was 5 months pregnant. His name means "wise Man"(Sage Stanford Engel)

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The Lords Prayer

This is for the burdened who need God to take over the problems in their lives:
Father,in the name of Jesus Christ,I come unto You,just as I am,a sinner. I have sinned against You and against Heaven.I ask You,Lord Jesus,to forgive me and to come into my heart and save my soul.Let me be born again by the Spirit of the living God.
I give my life to You,Lord Jesus.I do believe that You are the Son of God.I give You thanks and praise and honor for redeeming me by Your precious Blood. Amen
Sometimes we pray and it feels that God doesn't come through for us,we need to do two things:
1-when you pray ask in Jesus name.(Eg;Dear God,please bless me with a car in the name of Jesus your precious Son. I receive it in the name of Jesus,thank you God.)
2-have patience,God will come through,it might not be on your terms,but he has already come through for you. You have received it,this is where faith comes in,your blessing is in front of you but you must speak as if you have it.say thank you to God every day.I know you get angry with God especially if he still hasn't come through after the deadline but he is testing you,and don't expect Him to do it the way you want him to.He has more creative ways of coming through for you. And He is not a counter fitter, if you asked him for money He will not let it fall out of the sky.It will come through when you need it most,and you will get just your portion,not too much,just what you need.
Thank you Lord for supplying me with all my needs that I have more than enough to give into the kingdom of God.
*ps-dont forget to honor Him with tithes and offerings,bless other people as he has blessed you,you might just bless one of his angels one day.make a list of all you want and need,cut out pictures of what you need,paste it on your cupboard,and thank God everyday. As it materializes take it down,keep it in a file,show others what he has done for you.
Short story:
I wanted a blackberry for awhile and prayed for it,God said,paste it on your cupboard. We were poor,my husband didn't have a job,nor me. I had to have faith for two years.just when I had forgotten,God blessed me and guess what I'm blogging from now? My 7 month old blackberry curve!Thank God!lovies me
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My baby boy,the light in my world.

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Moving forward

That is one day I won't forget in a hurry. After that life went on,you know the usual,my sister and I playing in the dogs kennel,stealing cutlery from the house to use for eating the dog's food(its a miracle we never got sick),stealing jam from the fridge till one day my finger got stuck in the jam tin,man,my gran wasn't supposed to know but I screamed in pain till she came to help me. I got a stern talking to that day but the next day we were up to our old tricks as usual, if my uncle worked late my gran would put his food on the fridge till he came home,then I would stand on my sisters back and take the best from the plate(meat)and we would feed it to the dog or eat it depending on our mood. We were double the trouble. Or if my gran put in his work-bread,we would steal the soft part and leave him the crusts to eat at work,and we were only 4 years old. He worked at a mid mar and would sometimes bring wine home and hide it under his bed,then we would lay under the bed and drink till we vomited,that day we managed to get a hiding,and our baby brother's milk wasn't off limits,we loved baby milk and would eat it till we felt sick,till today I can't get enough of baby milk. We had so much,my mom's cousin's boyfriend would take us for a spin in his new car and we loved it! We had a good life till one day a friend of the family who sometimes came to visit,came looking for my uncle. We were playing on the stoop with a friend of ours(a boy) and we told the man that our uncle wasn't there. The man then said my mom sent him to fetch us(my mom was at work) we wanted to tell our gran who was in the house making jam.that we were going, but the man said that my gran knew. We went with him and he took us to the vlei where the bamboo grew thick. He slapped me and our friend and we fell to the ground. When I came to I could hear my sister screaming and got up and ran,it was late at night and God led me straight home that night. As I was running a lady came up to me and gave me a old R1 coin(she thought I was homeless)my face was bloody from my nose. As I neared my house the road was full of people looking for us as well as two police vans,my mom,who had been fetched from work when my gran realized we were missing,ran screaming to me anxious to know where my sister and our boy-friend was. I was in shock and couldn't utter a word,the policeman suggested they take me inside and give me sugar water. My uncle took me and put me on his shoulders and said that we're going to the vlei and I must point out where Verine' was,it was dark and I couldn't remember but my uncle said I must close my eyes and point. As I pointed where the feeling took me ,my sister screamed! My uncle and the people ran in that direction and found the man on top of her,they pulled him off and started hitting him till the police led him away. Thinking back now,I don't remember receiving counseling or there being any court case. He was a month in jail and let out. It was never discussed again and till today I don't know if he raped my sister. We weren't allowed to talk about it. He is a beggar and vagrant today pushing a trolley to survive. Just shows you that God gets them back,or rather what goes around,comes around. God is there in our weakest moments when we think we're on our own,He is always there watching. When we cry He is our tissue,when we laugh He is our joy,when we're in pain He is our painkiller,and when we sin,He is our salvation.
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